Instructions not included

I love receiving gifts, even ones that require assembly. Because I am technically “disadvantaged”, I hand the box to my husband and say, “Honey, please take care of this for me!” He doesn’t ask for the instruction sheet or owner’s manual. For most things, he instinctively knows how to put them together. He has a vast array of tools to tackle most any project and will usually have the item finished in short order. That being said, 40 years ago, we both received an amazing gift. One Monday afternoon, my doctor handed us a small package wrapped in a blanket and said, “Congratulations, you have a baby boy!” No box, owner’s manual, or even a return shipping label. My husband, Chris, and I were left alone with this tiny bundle. He was ours to figure out how to raise by ourselves. I remember experiencing feelings of anxiety, fear, and utter helplessness over the next few days and weeks. Fortunately, we had loving parents who were ready at a moment’s notice to provide encouragement, advice, and support. 

Over the next 10 years, God added three more children to our family. Chris and I grew in our parenting skills and confidence, but we continually had questions and doubts about a variety of things: How do we respond when our children disobey us? What is the proper educational setting for them? What is a proper curfew time for our teenagers? And where did they put my keys? 

So how do we respond to this amazing responsibility called parenting? Some say children will just naturally develop into caring, loving adults. Others say “it takes a village to raise a child”. There have been many books written on parenting, some based on professional knowledge and others on personal experience. I have read many of them and have learned a lot. But I believe that the most perfect book on parenting was written by the One who created our children. The One who formed and knitted them in the womb (Ps 139:13) has provided an owner’s manual for parents. It is called the Bible, or the Word of God. This amazing book, written by a loving God and Father, teaches us, encourages us, and even corrects us as we raise our children. It may not tell us when to introduce solid food or what movies are appropriate for our children to watch,but it does teach us about raising them to know and love Him, about establishing discipline, and about being godly examples for them by the way we live our own lives. I hope that you will find your “owner’s manual” and begin studying it. If you don’t have a good, easy to read Bible, I encourage you to look for one online or in your local Christian bookstore. Let’s learn together how to “Parent by the Book”!

 We have seen in the past year two prominent men fall from grace in the public eye. We learned that newly- elected George Santos misrepresented many details about his past employment and business dealings. Many are calling for him to resign from the US House of Representatives. At the same time, television networks allowed us to watch the murder trial of a well-respected lawyer in South Carolina. We tuned in as the jury found Alex Murdaugh guilty of murdering his wife and son. He is also currently indicted for stealing from clients, money laundering, embezzlement, and a host of other charges. Are these two stories exceptional and rare? Or are they examples of what is becoming more common among leaders of today? Is integrity an old-fashioned, irrelevant concept or do we need to begin holding ourselves and others to a higher standard?

Integrity has been defined as “doing the right thing when no one is watching.” It implies  honesty and strong moral principles. The person who demonstrates integrity will say what he means and will do what he says. He will not change his actions and ideas based on who he is with, but will be consistent in all matters. Rick Warren describes it this way: “If you have no credibility, you have no trust. If you have no trust, you have no leadership. Where do leaders get that trust? All trust comes from integrity.” 1

The Bible holds Christians to a high standard of integrity.  In essence, we must “Practice what we preach.” Jesus called out the religious leaders for being hypocrites, saying,  “So you must be careful to do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach… Everything they do is done for people to see” (Matthew 23:3-5). We must examine ourselves not by the world’s standards, but those of Christ. So let’s step back and take an honest look at ourselves. Are we more interested in having a prosperous lifestyle or a positive influence? Do we make allowances for small deceptions and self-indulgences at the expense of others? Are we critical of those around us, yet unwilling to notice the same attitudes in ourselves? As Christians, we must hold ourselves to the highest standards. David, described as a “man after God’s own heart”, recognized the importance of integrity. He prayed, “Oh, guard my soul, and deliver me! Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in You. May integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait forYou.” (Psalm 25:20-21). 

We must also hold our fellow church members to these same standards. Do we see growth in their personal lives as their faith in Christ deepens?  Do they recognize the higher standard God requires of those who call themselves Christians? Jesus did not sugar-coat the cost of following Him. He said that those who follow Him must leave behind everything and be willing to endure ridicule, mistreatment, and even death for His sake. Not exactly what we hear in most Christian sermons or podcasts. While we may have been living by these standards for years, it is important to understand how difficult these requirements are for those who have been living by the world’s standards. We must be ready to not only teach, but to model, encourage, and correct with love and patience (2 Timothy 4:2). Change may not be instantaneous, but we can recognize and celebrate small successes with them. 

Whether we like it or not, the world holds Christians to a higher standard than the rest of society. They expect that we will demonstrate integrity in our work and daily lives. We live in glass houses and are watched by those who would seek to know more about the God we serve, as well as by those who would delight in our failures. It’s as though both groups of people are saying, “Prove your faith by how you conduct yourself and by how you treat others.” They are looking for consistency between our message and our lifestyle. 

In 1984, Bonnie Tyler had a hit song, “Holding Out for a Hero”. The song begins, “Where have all the good men gone?” In God’s eyes, heroes are those men and women who live everyday with character and integrity. They live uprightly not because they might be exposed to society, but because they want to please God. Let us seek to be heroes of the faith and live more closely aligned with His standard of righteousness, even when no one is watching!

May we be able to close each day with David’s words, “Vindicate me, O Lord, for I have walked in my integrity, And I have trusted in the Lord without wavering”. (Psalm 26:1)

1  Rick Warren, “The Leadership America Needs”, Christian Post Report online, November 

4, 2008 https://www.christianpost.com/news/the-leadership-america-needs.html.